Worst month ever: Before I start sounding like a pessimist I must inform you that no matter how negative my perspective sounds it is coming from a neutral part. And for balancing that I will also share the bright side of it 🙂
I take responsibility, I won’t blame. It would have been easier, but now I have to force myself to think about how all my previous acts made this massacre month. Every promise I have broken or every pattern I have mistracked is all because I got lazy and I take responsibility of that. But all of it won’t happen if that thing never occurred.
I got sick. I know it’s a lame excuse. Everybody gets sick, it’s normal. But, particularly in my case, it was amazingly so sudden that I got angry. It’s like when you catch the ideal momentum, everything seems to happen automatically out of habit and then suddenly your body can’t keep with the speed. It’s frustrating. It’s frustrating to see a well planned productive week to just went by. It’s frustrating to waste time when you are used to respect it. And even though the sickness was not that bad, that speed breaker almost made me give up. The reason is…
I found it hard to restart everything. I had to finifh all unfinished tasks under a smaller time frame. It was overwhelming. The idea of the best way to finish an unfinished task by avoiding it was the worst. And this attitudde delayed the process even more. I had to correct my sleep cylcle, restart workout, write, eat… everything seemed too much work. I’d rather avoid them and became reactive of my daily tasks.
Fluctuating back and forth. I knew there was tasks for me on the wall, there was goals I needed to catch up to but there was not enough “Just, Do It!” for me. I procrastinated sometimes, sometimes I did get my motivation again. But it was not enough to finish a task completly. That’s why I have dozons of half-written articles in my draft. I really wanted to give up but I couldn’t. My fears of being depended on others fuled me and evetually I overcame it. 10 days are a long time for set-backs when you are in a mission.
But July wan’t all bad. Even though I have to start everything from the begining it was a great experience to learn about myself. It also proved how important my goals were for me. May be 50% of this month wasn’t like the usual but it surely wasn’t worhless. I have learned somany things. Watched documentaries like Koyaanisqatshi and re-read the books like Think and Grow Rich (Review coming soon!). That means by the value it added in my life it should be called “The best month ever”
This blog is to keep track of my progress, I can’t lie or ignore it. Whatever happens with me in the month it has to be written down. Because my future self will find hideous stuff to read and laugh at. So, let’s start it again.
Where was I…